Do you ever feel like you were more connected to God when you were a child? For me, it was simple when I was very young.
I loved Jesus and Jesus loved me.
But as I grew, I grew away from the simplicity of that thought. Loving Jesus was complicated. Being loved by Him was even more complicated. There were so many rules. So many things to consider. As I started to discover that I didn’t keep the rules very well, I began to imagine His disappointment. And the divide between He and I started to grow.
Years later, I re-discovered that Jesus loved me and eventually re-discovered that I loved Him. But I had years of broken rules and real and imagined disappointment to wade through. They had to be examined and dealt with so that I could allow Him to love me fully and to love Him fully in return.
I’m still working on it.
I’m preparing to lead a small group over the summer, at my church. We are going to be reading and discussing a book by Bonnie Gray called: “Finding Spiritual Whitespace – Awakening Your Soul to Rest”. In the book are many opportunities to look back in order to move forward. At the end of each chapter there are questions.
One particular question leapt off the page for me. I felt as I read it, that I had an immediate answer that had been sitting there, waiting for someone to ask the question.
Here is the question:
(From Bonnie Gray’s book Finding Spiritual Whitespace)
Picture yourself as a little girl with Jesus.
How do you picture her, what is she doing?
How does she feel? What does she want?
And here was the answer that came to my mind……
I picture myself walking with Jesus, holding His hand. Skipping along in that way that little girls do. The sky is blue. We are talking. I feel safe. We come up to a small wall about a foot off the ground that runs along the length of someone’s property. Although it is low to the ground, it feels high up to me. I walk on it, sometimes holding His hand, sometimes putting my arms out for balance. But I feel safe. And secure. Perfectly balanced with no fear of falling. He is beside me and that is all I need to feel assured.
I don’t want anything. I have everything I need in this moment.
I’m not completely sure what this picture means but I want it to be something I am working towards. I want my love for Him to grow, I want to feel that perfect peace I can imagine the child version of me feeling.
But it leaves me wondering too…..how would you answer that question? No doubt each person’s answer reveals something. And if it feels ok to do so, share your answer with me. I’d love to hear it.